“Billy Madison” is a movie of many personas: one part stereotypical 90s comedy, one part tongue-in-cheek dude flick, and one part larger-than-life Hollywood juggernaut. But with these varying personas comes a healthy collection of memorable quotes that leave even the most prudish or pretentious with anything ranging from a silent chuckle to an obnoxious cackle. Let’s take a look at some of the most outrageous – and hilarious – “Billy Madison” movie quotes.
“Maybe she wants to make an example of you… or maybe she’s got something up her ass.”
Billy’s maid has a knack for being both creepy and gut-wrenching with her dialogue, but this particular quote takes the cake, commenting on the bad attitude of Billy’s third-grade teacher and future love interest in the film.
“If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”
As endearing as it is funny, the context of the scene has Billy intentionally dumping water all over his crotch to exude the image of wetting your pants being “cool,” used as a means to save his elementary best friend from embarrassment. Unsurprisingly, the elderly woman from the scene chimes in with her own pants-dampening expertise.
“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
The host of the academic decathlon that caps the movie, in addition to filling the “crazy ex-husband” role in the movie, ends an otherwise charming scene that has Billy attempting to draw depth from a children’s book his first-grade teacher so creepily read aloud earlier in the movie.
Lacking in political correctness in all the right ways, Billy critiques the stuttered reading of his third-grade classmate before being dragged out of the classroom by his ear. Not necessarily the highest moment in class-act comedy, but one of the funniest moments all the same.
“Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap.”
The less-than-thrilled host makes a completely out-of-left-field and hysterically inappropriate declaration as he introduces the decathlon, with Jeopardy-esque categories about “tramps” and “ex-wives” lingering in the background of the screen.